At CarGurus we’ve used our automotive expertise to put together the definitive list of the five cars in which you’re most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse. No need to thank us; it’s all part of our commitment to bringing you the most important car buying advice out there. So without further ado, here are the five cars that’ll best ensure your brain doesn’t get eaten this Halloween.
HUMMER H1
Our first instinct would be to choose the biggest, heaviest thing you can lay your hands on. Enter the Hummer H1. It’s about as big and heavy as it gets – and with its bluff front end and absolute go-anywhere ability, it’s perfect not just for ploughing its way through a hostile crowd of zombies, but also for crossing any mountains or rivers that might lay between you and safety. Go for a station wagon, and you’ll have room to spare for essentials, too.
The thing about the Hummer, though, is that reliability isn’t guaranteed. The Toyota Land Cruiser, on the other hand, has that base covered – it’s renowned across the world for its utter unburstability. The latest model is as strong as an ox, and comes with a few luxuries that’ll make your life on the run from marauding packs of brain-eaters a little more comfortable. It still has more than enough off-road ability to ensure that when the tarmac runs out, you won’t get stuck, too.
CADILLAC FLEETWOOD SIXTY SPECIAL BROUGHAM
Go-anywhere ability isn’t the be-all-and-end-all, though. After all, a long bonnet is the perfect weapon for taking out zombies. And bonnets don’t come much longer than that of the Cadillac Fleetwood Sixty Special Brougham – which, at 5.9 metres, was one of the longest cars ever made. That means plenty of crumple zone, both front and rear – because if zombie films are anything to go by, at some point you’re going to have to do a reverse J-turn to escape, scattering the undead in the process. What’s more, the Fleetwood’s many toys and wafty ride will enable you to flee in appropriately luxurious surroundings.
But perhaps running down zombies is the wrong tactic. After all, they’re probably not as squishy as the movies make out – so perhaps your best bet is scaring them off instead. In which case, the Zenvo ST1 should do the trick. Its angry nose is terrifying enough to give even the most blood-hungry zombie pause. And its 1,104bhp twin-charged 7.0-litre V8 engine means you’ll be gone before they’ve had a chance to recover. What’s more, let’s not forget the ST1 caught fire while being tested on Top Gear – so if the worst comes to the worst, you’ll be able to beat them back with a chunk of flaming bodywork.
Perhaps the most cunning tactic, however, is to hide in plain sight. May we suggest that you find the nearest Ford Mondeo Estate – preferably an older model so that it’s all the more inconspicuous – then sling a sleeping bag in the back and hole up inside for a couple of days? Even the most alert undead probably won’t pay it any heed – and once they’ve all lost interest and shuffled off elsewhere, you can creep quietly out of town under cover of darkness.
Not convinced by any of our suggestions? In that case, head on over to CarGurus, where you can find your own zombie escape chariot – or just browse for your next used car. Whatever works.
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